DUSK

I miss the sunshine. I used to feel it wrapped around my shoulders 
like a child who sits happily amused on the couch with her favorite blanket. 
Dandelions, popped all over the yard. Bursts of sun.
They didn't represent a reminder to mow, back then.

Makes my temples throb trying to pin-point the moment
I lost that Hallmark card idea of life.
It doesn't matter, when, how, why...but still, it seems 
so important to remember.

Coffee used to taste better. Everything,
tastes better in the sun.
It's bitter now, bites my tongue and is always
too hot or too chilled.

You don't realize how you've caverned yourself up
over time.
You adjust, get acclimated to a constant dusk.
Even the blind can find what they need if they need it badly 
enough.

So, I keep stumbling and knocking over things of cluttered insignificance
in my world.
Tripping on blankets that slipped from my shoulders long ago.
Searching. Running toward windows..smeared with my longing from
yesterday.

Fall out of the creaking doors of my past...to find the sunshine 
in the dandelions again.
To pluck them up and gather and bunch them together to make the sun 
fill up my hands.

 I set down my gelid coffee on the deck rail and squint
away my tears. To kneel in the manicured, freshly mowed lawn.

--Heather Johann Hawes