Tilt

It's an insane paranoia when you feel something
that shouldn't be there.
That didn't used to be there.
Wasn't always there. Or ever there.

Like that pebble in your shoe.
No.
It's not like that pebble in your shoe.
You can take the shoe off and whip the bastard stone away.

Look in the mirror, you know it's there.
Feel it when you  are trying to sleep away the darkest thoughts.
You can clothe it but it's not going away.
It's like a bomb. Tick tocking in your chest.

And in all the madness of worry, everyone else carries on.

He's still watching hockey and playing hand-held strip poker.
She's still selling flowers and falling asleep to t.v. shows in her recliner.
My coworker is still snoring through her shift in the cubicle next to me.
Tick. Tick. Tick.

And all I feel. Is a fucking lump.

---Heather Johann Hawes